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Single for LifePlastic surgery can't reach into the past
A new skin will still wear the facts
You can't win chess when playing with lust
Better crash the car before you finish last
Hardcover with a title, joke of the class
All the blurbs talk about the kicks to your ass
Never touch a girl before you ask
Never try to control her with a glass
Everyone can read that history of violence
The shitstorm you caused masked by silence
Loud victims are still victims
Easy targets for the education system
Chew you up and eat the marrow of the bone
While the emperor takes another throne
You're not the type a woman would lay down with
The shit you ate is all over your teeth
It's sexual harassment if you try to kiss
Your spit is a cocktail of blood and piss
You don't need soap, just a little love
But who's the dope to take such a dirty job?
It's only one person to talk to and it's God
If he doesn't exist, turn to your own blood
Only to discover that you're so tough
Even your self hatred is not enough
To push you off
Talking to God About Girls, Life, and Other...Dear God, I'm a piece of shit
And I think I had enough of it
I'm a cigarette, I'm bad for my health
The cancer cell is my own self
Dear God, I'm the fifth wheel of a car
Whose engine is overflowing with tar
That extra weight does no good
I think I'd try a year without food
Dear God, me and her talked for weeks
I guess it's time for me to feel those lips
But she says no, and I'm left asking why
I'm not that fat and ugly, am I?
It's hard to convince people not to jump
When I'm on a windowsill waiting for a push
A blow to the head, or just a little bump
Something sharp to cut these strings loose
I've gotten over this once, and it used to take longer
I'm just not sure if all these getting over makes me stronger
I'm 19 years old still overwhelmed by emotions
I just hope I won't use the word 'beer' for 'potion'
Dear God, life's a piece of shit
And I just can't get enough of it
Something To Laugh AtAll it takes is one good joke
To activate the screen of smoke
It's amazing how a little laughter
Makes her call her pimp a father
You're as predictible
As you are beautiful
I'm not innocent, Asmodeus tried to trick me
I even let a few diamonds decieve me
Even if this self-awareness is all I've got
At least I don't try to make volcanoes erupt
His stand-up got you down on your knees
You're coming just to please
I said before you'll be here
I said you're sight's not clear
You said you were an exception
Do you feel high and mighty on top of his erection?
Neurotically Shy 16 Year Old BoysThe moment I told you I know your favorite band
You embraced me and I thought we might be friends
I wonder if you felt my accelerating heart
I wondered if you sensed my brain creating art
Of words out of the emotions you cause
We sink into a conversation and I'm more buzzed
By you than the beer and potato water
Not enough to ask for a daughter
But we both write and like the same sounds
So maybe you're different, maybe you'll stay around
You thought among the bass and the shouts
Nobody will see you walking out
Well, nobody but this little insecure dipshit
Catch up, ask what's up and you tell me to leave it
How can I see you like this and ignore?
Your mask is stained from the blood that pours
So talk about your problems and then talk some more
I won't leave you, even if they call me for war
You tell me about your home and your suicide attempt
You started crying and I told you the party can wait
I reached out and held you for a bit of warmth
Cry as much as you can, for what it's worth
Leech SeedI got drugged like a teen in a rave
You gave me all the attention I craved
Memory card forgot all the games that it saved
Got dragged into your perfect circle of a cave
You would always express
Confidence in success
Allowed me to never make sense
Take all the excess
Told me these T. Rexes
Are nothing but lizards
Heard me call them retards
And Knew what it meant
That was my heart being bent
Still amazed you took all the crap
Wait, you actually did gave up
Yes, that's it is when you disappeared
You just refused to make it clear
Always sorry until I finally get mad
That's when you'll sacrifice everything we had
To get yourself out of this trial
Then you're back to licking my style
Saying I'm great, you're a poor loser
While guys capture oxygen for you and I dance with the computer
First there happiness, then there was confusion
Now all that's left is belief it's an illusion
Funny how you always vanish
Right when I'm getting tarnished
I was your chemistry set when you lost your brain
This Cage of MineI was born into this cage with cut off wings
A giant who always gives me new things
Althought I can't understand every word
I think I hear love in "who's a cute bird?"
His pals came over and said that he can't
Teach a bird to sing along to 50 Cent
But when I imitate words like pimping and hoes
His laughter sounds like a bomb that blows
Preachers say my fate is to be free
High in the sky or up on the tree
I may be stuck here but I'm doing fine
He in his loneliness
Me in this cage of mine
Dumb, Fat and UglyWhen I was a young boy Asperger's did its trick
They thought I was smart when I was really sick
Tried to be a scientist while the kids played ball
Called it archeology when what I really did was fall
Add bullying and violence and there go the screws
You can't see it on the skin but you can hear the bruise
When my words gets slowed and sped, chopped and screwed
Sounds like the music from America's southern hoods
Got nowhere to go and no one to be with
So I'll play video games while brushing my teeth
One eye on the villain, another on the time that goes by
All of the brain thinking about cool ways to die
I heard my first rock song and somebody explains
Everything written on the idea train
My emotions are defined, my ideas are clear
Some sort of combination of hate and anger and fear
I loved my first girl and since then I'm trippy
I was on top of the world just because she could see me
I'm not sure if this is the exact definition of reject
But no girl ever agreed to go a single night out
Merely DegeneratesWe don't have the muscles to move mountains
Or the gentle hand to build fountains
We don't have the skin that you want to touch
We're not the fire that burns under the ash
They filled our heads with science and numbers
Downturns were the girls of our summers
Prepackaged jokes and artificial light
Convinced us we shouldn't even bother to fight
We are just degenerates
Trying to disintigrate
Looking for an easy way out of the machine
Throw away your diploma
From the years of coma
Define and sharpen the line between reality and dreams
Still DreamingI barely slept the night before
Me and my friends went to the shore
Where we could see girls shed their covers
To feel the warmth of the ocean waters
They stared in the eyes of this world and I'm
I'm still dreaming
They talked about tests and mathematics
Mixing sex jokes to hold back the panic
They brought beers, they wanted something bolder
They asked me why I'm with them when I'm so much older
And I'm still
I'm still dreaming
I'm still dreaming of parties I didn't go
I'm still dreaming of a summer sun glow
I'm still dreaming of a girl that said, "You're cute"
I'm still dreaming of bullies I wanted to shoot
I keep dreaming of all that time gone
One image remains, that of the prom
Music roared and I went batshit
Skrillex comes on and there's a moshpit
Suddenly I wonder why I used to hate
Sex and beers and dancing and staying up late
I'm finally ready to admit I was wrong
On the last days of being young
Now I spend my days at mission control
Hoping that the cloudless sky won't fall
My rapture. (2012-02-13)The spring begins within your eyes,
Petals and the bract unfolding.
The agreement of our cobalt skies
Behind the light you are holding.
That charmed smile reassures me,
Omitting any doubt life gives.
The walls come down a'plenty,
And again you let me live.
3.When you asked me to strip,
we both had a different understanding
of what you meant.
See, I thought
you wanted me to peel away
the layers of who I was
so you could see what
As you watched,
I shed the confidence
that clung to me like a second
skin and showed you the insecurity
that was underneath.
I cut away my determination,
leaving in its place the self-doubt
that ate away at me everyday.
I ripped off the laughter
that covered my soul
in an effort to hide the
uncertainty of who I was.
I shrugged out of my ambition,
displaying for you the meekness
that was carved inside.
I stood in front of you then,
baring my soul and shivering
in my vulnerability.
I wasn't expecting you to love me--
no, I never wanted you to do that;
Instead, I only wanted you to hold me
and then show me who you really were inside.
But what did you do?
You turned around and walked away without
a second thought--or a glance back.
And here is where I still stand,
mounted on the asph
1.They say you shouldn't drink with Death,
and yet I find myself pouring
another glass of amber liquid.
She's quiet, my companion;
doesn't talk much.
It's strange to see her in person
after hearing all the tales
and fables meant to scare
little children and to
put grown men in their places.
She's different than I expected--
lighter, not quite so hidden behind
a gray cloak or embedded in the shadows.
I ask her why she has graced me
with her presence, and she turns her
hooded head in my direction.
Long ivory fingers clutch the glass
and I notice her nails, like mine,
have been gnawed as far down as possible.
She doesn't answer my question--
not that I really thought she would.
The flickering candle between us
melts ever so slowly
as the small flame arches and twists.
It casts a glow on both our faces--
I am surprised to find that,
though not beautiful,
Death is far from the monstrosity
people have made her out to be.
I feel a sort of sympathy for her then.
What would it be like to never
2.How does one write a poem
that matches the "perfection"
of those before?
After those previous,
expectations have risen
and the bar is set too high
to jump over.
There is a sort of society
a vicious cycle of competition
no one wants to lose.
If it's not up to par
then who would take the time
to read it?
We all want to be a Frost,
a Poe, a Dickinson--
but honestly. Is that
even possible at this point?
I sit on a straight-backed chair
and wonder where the sky meets the sea;
I wonder if there will ever be a time
that the words I write
will blend with each other
until you can't tell the difference
between what is reality
and what is a dream.
The Lies of Fairy Tales‘Sorrow found me when I was young.
Sorrow waited. Sorrow won.’
- The National.
I sit cross-legged on my bedroom floor surrounded by dozens of children’s books and fairy tale collections. Some of the books are sprawled open onto random pages, where delicate calligraphy detail wonderful love stories, and where colourful illustrations depict beautiful, helpless princesses stuck in towers with chivalrous, handsome knights battling to win their lonely hearts. Other books are piled high on top of one another, creating paper castles and mansions such as the ones described within their very pages, wherein romance blossoms and a happy ending is undeniable and inevitable.
I pore over them all, salted tears falling onto the musty pages, filled with an irrepressible feeling of bitterness. As a child, I loved nothing more than to read these works of fiction. But now as an adult I know that these books are sugar-coated lies laced with deception. I had bee
A Letter To My BodyDear my body,
Here I bestow an official apology for all the things I put you through.
The spirits, substances and so-called foods that you are forced to consume and digest against your will.
For every last hormone-changing pill.
For every time I slide a razor across your tender skin to cut back hair again and again.
For every time I deprive you of sleep when you are already so deprived of energy. And then the days when I refuse to get out of bed and so you miss the sunlight.
I apologise for wanting to hurt you when I'm in need of emotional rehabilitation.
For biting the skin on your fingers when I'm nervous.
For previously feeding you the carcasses of once living beings even when deep down I felt it was wrong to do so.
I'm sorry for putting you in such danger of hearing damage - through all the times I listen to my iPod with the music blaring loudly through my earphones, and the times I spend at the front rows of concerts, the speakers so powerful I can feel the vibrations running thro
6.I tried to build a house
out of our memories,
but I couldn't find enough to finish it.
I wanted to make a fire
out of our passion,
but there wasn't enough to start it.
I tried to paint a canvas
out of our tears,
but there was only enough for a puddle.
I wanted to carve a lonely stick
using the sharp words we exchanged,
but I ended up destroying the whole forest.
I tried to bake a cake
using the sweetness of your soul,
but it came out pretty bitter.
I wanted to apologize
using all the lies you told me,
but they all got jumbled in my head.
So I guess I'll go find someone else
to build a house for.
But if there had been enough of ourselves
to sustain it,
would you have even stepped inside?
That's what I thought.
DrowningHow wonderful it feels
To fall back
Into the hands
Of the water below.
Unlike everyone else
Water envelops you,
Makes you feel light,
The only direction
You’ve ever known.
Your hair moves around you like
Seaweed on the ocean floor.
Bubbles that once
Had a home inside your lungs
Escape freely into the water.
And climb up higher
To the safety of the surface.
“This is what is left
Of my existence.
Little bubbles floating up,
Higher and higher,
While I sink,
Lower and lower”
And as you feel
The last bubble,
The last of your air,
Flow out of your lips
You couldn’t help but smile.
Even as your lungs
Screamed in pain
You ignored it
Like you’ve done for years.
Even with the water
You still managed
But not in sadness,
For now you were leaving.
Leaving the pain.
Leaving the sadness.
Leaving the hurt.
Leaving the cruel words
That others w
Looking For Another LifeLooks like he's back in the bar,
with a cup of hope and cheap whiskey,
drinking it to the bottom
as if there were stars hidden down there.
I wonder what he does
during the days.
Maybe he's an office worker,
or an artist,
or a scientist,
or a prime minister.
But it really doesn't matter, does it?
Now he's just another drunk,
pointlessly digging for treasure
in an endless, black chasm,
that he'll find an open doorway
leading to somewhere else
when the bottle's empty.
Just one more soul
searching for another life
at the end of the bottle;
at the end of the night.
As Far As You Can Throw MeThey told me
I'm still growing up
I held a gun, had rockets flying over my head, and guarded the middle of nowhere
And I'm still growing up
I've been far away from home, carried my drunk friend back, stopped hating the girls who broke my head and worked without much sleep
And I still hate myself
And I still want out
And they tell me
I'm still growing up
A friend asked me if I wanted to start my life already
So I told him
So long as I can stay up to six in the morning with my friends
Yes, I'm ugly
No, I don't know a lot of cool places to go
Yes, I'm still a virgin after 19 years
No, I'm not funny
If you feel like shoving this stuff in my face, girl
My friends and my music and my girls and my books will still be here
Long after your cookie cutter sitcom character of a boyfriend is gone
If you feel like shoving this stuff in my face, girl
Maybe you need something to do
Or someone to do
Maybe you need to reject someone
Just to feel attractive
I made a DJ set and I f
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